Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Sad and Afraid

I find that, no matter how much I want to want to stitch, I actually don't want to.

If that makes sense...

I think of my lovely projects that have stopped dead and I really want to be working on it, but when I think about actually doing it, I just feel tired, my brain feels too slow and stupid, my arms feel leaden and it's all too hard.

Stitching has been an integral part of my life for over 20 years now. This is very sad. I'm very sad.

I try to tell myself that the urge and inspiration will come back. I just have to be patient. But I told myself that when I found myself unable to write, something I'd been doing for even longer than stitching. That still hasn't come back and we're talking years now.

I'm afraid I've lost something else I love. Really afraid.


cathymk said...

((hugs)) it seems like you have been through such a lot lately, Kerry.

When my mum died in 2000, I stopped stitching and making music (I played flute and dabbled with the piano) we shared a lot doing those activities and I just didn't want to do it any more with out her. My stitching hiatus was nearly 5 years (I don't want to frighten you, really). But then, a couple of years ago, I suddenly got the urge again (in a frighteningly obsessed way!!) unfortunately my flute is still put away - one day I'll want to play again.
I guess I just want you to take comfort that the urge to stitch will probably come back - just give yourself time. And keep enjoying scrapping and reading in the mean time. Your layouts are gorgeous!

Allura said...

Have you tried something smaller or with larger solid areas? That might be easier to focus on. Sometimes just forcing yourself to sit down and do "just a thread" is worth it - some days, though, that makes it worse if you mess up. Not much help, I suppose.

Nicki said...

{{{hugs}}} Try not to think about it too much. When I was working long hours in London I didn't really stitch at all. I was just too worn out and mentally exhausted. I guess that's the closest I can get to how you might feel. That lasted for about 6 or 7 years. Now I'm working again I'm not stitching as much as when I was in NZ but I definitely refound the passion. It was still there. Maybe when Marcus is a bit older and things are less eventful you'll find it easier. In the meantime, just enjoy whatever it is you feel up to :)

Aussie Stitcher said...

Just read through your blog, sorry to hear that things have been a bit rough for you lately. I agree with the other comments, just do what you enjoy and I am sure that your desire to stitch will return.
Take care and {{{{HUGS}}}}.